God’s Love in the Dark

God’s Love in the Dark Written by Amber Ginter As I peered through the blinds in my bedroom, a full moon illuminated the sky. My heart ached for the darkness within my soul to brighten that easily, but as I closed the shades, the blackness remained. Tears streamed down hollow spaces. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I scrolled on my phone to numb the pain. “You have no good reason to be depressed, Amber, just get it together,” my mind spat. “Jesus died for you, and this is how you serve him? Crying and ungrateful?” “You should be ashamed of yourself. Are you even a Christian?” Between shallow breathing and trembling hands, all I could pray was, “God, make it stop.” Afterward, I journaled: “I’m scared the darkness is going to win. I’m scared I’ll always be this way. I’m scared of seeking you in the dark, afraid I’ll never find the light.” Today, I still experience what many have referred to for centuries as “dark nights of the soul.” Those moments when the depression is looming, and you can barely get out of bed, or anxiety riddles you to your core. But in them, through his grace and seeking therapies that have supported my journey, God has reminded me of three things. Despite what others, or even your mind, may tell you, God’s not mad at you. He’s not ashamed of you. And he’s with you, even when the darkness doesn’t lift.